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Fictional Cinema Snob Episodes/Neo-Shifters vs. Bionicle
Transcript * The Snob: This film... is a doozy. I guess I'm gonna have to call in backup to assist me in this review. (The Snob turns left and yells) Ben from Oddity Archive! * (Cut to Ben from Oddity Archive behind his cardboard box with a iPad) * Ben: I'm ready Mr. Dawn. If I wasn't, I'd be actually doing Archive today. * (Cut back to the Snob who turns right and yells) * The Snob: Clown Girl from ThatMissQuin! * (Cut to Clown Girl on the couch) * Clown Girl: I'm ready Cinema Snob! Ready for some fun! *giggles* * (Cut back to the Snob who turns left again and yells) * The Snob: Chester A. Bum! * (Cut to Chester A. Bum) * Chester A. Bum: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST CROSSOVER REVIEW I'VE EVER BEEN A PART OF IN MY LIFE! * (Cut back to the Snob who turns right again and yells) * The Snob: James A. Williams! * (Cut to James A. Williams' icon) * James A. Williams: Great, I have to review Bionicle and Neo-Shifters at the same time. This is gonna be a doozy. * (Cut back to the Snob who turns left again and yells) * The Snob: And the planet from Star Babe! * (Cut to Phelous) * Phelous: I'm not prepared for this, but who cares anymore, it's a partial El TV Kadsre production! So that means it's Michael Vlokozu-approved! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Good, complete gang! Now let's torture ourselves. * (Clips from the Bionicle and Neo-Shifters media play) * Chester A. Bum: In Bionicle, there's these rock things, called the Turaga, who turn teenagers into superpowered rock formations to stop the BIG BAD OTHER ROCK THINGS! And in Neo-Shifters, it's the same but with fiberglass and steel! * Clown Girl: These films do involve clowns in the background, especially in that one scene in Island of Doom. * Ben: But we digress, these films tend to get kind of screwed up. * (Cut to clips from the film) * The Snob: So it just happened that when I had to review Neo-Shifters vs. Bionicle... I had to call for help. * Phelous: In fact, there's a lot of moments that equal "What the f***?" in the minds of the fans of both, and we're just starting you guys off. * (Cut back to Ben) * Ben: And of course, this film is already up both me and the Snob's alleys. * (Cut to the RGN Special Presentation ident) * Announcer: And now, a joint presentation of RGN and El TV Kadsre 1! * (Cut to the RGN Content Warning) * Announcer: Due to some instances of both harsh and foul language, parental discretion is advised whilst viewing this teleplay. * (Cut back to James A. Williams' icon) * James A. Williams: Okay, did one of the characters from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang write that parental warning? * (Cut back to Ben) * Ben: Beats me. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Geez, all of the Bionicle and Neo-Shifters fans are so all hyped as hell to see the Toa and the Neo-Shifter finally meeting each other and who do they get to start this groundbreaking crossover? * (Cut to Kouta Hisakawa and Andre Kayrlislopvoslky and their wives talking) * The Snob: NO OTHER THAN GODDAMN PRIME MINISTER AND PRESIDENT OF EL KADSRE. Good christ! Kouta and Andre are starting this thing off! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: So, is there gonna be a scene with a human-cat foursome between Akita, Jiro, Aqua, and Glen? 'Cause that music on that RGN logo is just asking for a sex scene! * (Cut to Aqua rubbing against Quinn Foster) * Ben: I hope not, since our respective shows would all be cancelled, and I think most furry haters would demand that Aqua getting kitty treats from, say, Glen shouldn't be shown in this flick. * (Cut to the Paladins on patrol and discussing their mission) * Chester A. Bum: The Paladins are on patrol, and Quinn Foster is like "Let's go to Capulco!" * (Cut to the Toa Nuva and Toa Mahri on patrol and destroying the anarchists' nuclear weapon) * Chester A. Bum: But then the Toa are like "Let's step in" and go to Capulco but vice-versa. Then Duchess destroys a bomb set up by the mockbuster version of Chumbawumba! * Ben: And that nuclear missile just happened to be filled with delicious white chocolate. * (Cut to the angry anarchists) * The Snob: The anarchists are p***ed! * Anarchist #1: Our plan for international anarchy has failed! * (Anarchist #1 faints) * Anarchist #2: Insane Joe, get up! * James A. Williams (imitating Anarchist #2): If you don't, the cameraman will have to explain our evil plan for anarchy in El Kadsre. * (Cut to the Toa and Paladins crashing into each other, and then transforming back into their human forms save for Aqua) * James A. Williams: Also our supposed heroes are idiots. * (Cut to Quinn and the Paladins facing off with the Toa) * Quinn: Alright, who the hell are you guys? * Akita: We... are Bionicle. * Danny: And who the hell are you people? * Takehiro: We... are Neo-Shifters. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Oh great, they meet for the first time and it sucks already. * (Cut to Aqua getting up) * Aqua: Oh, you dummies. * (Pan over to Quinn) * Quinn: Oh my god, WHAT THE F*** IS THAT? * (Cut back to Ben) * Ben: Great, we're about 2 minutes in and we got our first major swear word, and on national television, to boot! * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: And we also saw Ben Ivanson's reaction to seeing the makeup Halcyone Ferrara usually wears when playing Aquila as Aqua for the first time. * (Cut to Walt Right) * Walt Right: Indeed. Aqua is an abomination of nature, just like all women. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Ugh, not you! Let me try a question... was the Indian stereotype chick your favorite character in Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London? * (Cut back to Walt Right) * Walt Right: No, the end credits were my favorite character in Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London. * (Cut back to the Snob) * The Snob: Oh okay, that's an opinion Walt has that I can agree on. Category:Episodes